Saturday, April 21, 2012

Why I can't find anyone?

To Ryan
"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship . . ."

... "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

                                 The Little Prince
                                               Antoine de Saint ExupĂ©ry

One of the big problems about love is that you never seem to find it. There is a scene in the movie "Fatal Attraction" were Alex Forrest (Glen Close) Tells Dan Gallagher (Michael Douglas) "Why is that every interesting man is already married". That seems to be the problem that every single person faces when searching for love... they find the ideal person just to find out that she or he has a boyfriend or girlfriend, and they wonder 'why is she or he with that looser'. In reality it doesn't have to be a loser, but most of the time that's how the other person perceives it.

I think of my friend Ryan. He needs to understand that "All is fair in war and love", that being a good friend very rarely brings a relationship other than friendship. That in order to catch a fish you have to throw the lure first... girls they don't like good guys, but interesting ones... the only use they have for good guys is as friends. 

So, the first step is to make your persona more interesting.  Some people play sports but if sports is not your thing then you have to become a connoisseur of something. The second place in the popularity list is music, so playing an instrument is going to gain you some cookie points. No! Not the french horn or the timbales, maybe the guitar or the piano or even the sax. Next in the list would be to play the "Intellectual", a  the guy that reads and writes... any of those is ok, what is not ok is to look weak, to look like the guy that all the girls want to be friends with. Do not be their confident, they are going to use your shoulder to cry over other guys and since they are going to be very busy crying on your shoulder they'll never have the chance to look at you.

  The most common problem one faces when trying to approach someone we like is our inability to talk. We expect the other person to notice our interest and respond to our shy advances... but here is where we have a problem. We cannot expect the other person to respond to our advances because she (or he) are in the understanding that we are just friends, She has a boyfriend and maybe she even loves him. and she doesn't know what you want, or what are your intentions.

So, the road to succeed is very simple: make sure she knows what your intentions are., meaning that you like her and want to date her. Make sure you are the kind of person she would put her eyes on... If she likes the football players but all you play is the piano... is not going to happen. don't be her confident because first she is going to ask you if she should dump her boyfriend, and then if she should date your best friend, ignoring completely the fact that you are interested in her.

Many woman crave attention and will push you to say something you are not ready to say... Don't say "I Love You" until the relationship is mature, before that it's just going to ruin everything you have built... even if it is truth that you love her.

Finally, be ready to loose the fight. If she really only sees you as a friend, I am sure that the friendship is going to die when she realize that you want something more than to be friends... She won't look at you the same way anymore... Ever!. You are going to pretend to be friends for a while, but you should know that is over. If it comes to that, move on and find somebody else... she would be gone anyway..

The good news: I think you are the kind of guy she really wants and she struggles... you just have to show her the way and let things happen... just remeber that there is only one chance, don't waste it!