Can you say I love you with a song?

It is rather common for people in love to send each other songs they favorite and deem romantic o have a message they want to say themselves but find it easier to let the song say it for them.

   The risk in using this method to conquer somebody's heart is that many times songs have two sides and we don't know which part of the song the other person is going to listen or pay attention to. 

   Let's take for example the song 'We Should Be' by Trey songs that recently a girl I was talking to sent me:

When I listen to the songs first paragraph:

                                                 Baby, you're lookin' so lovely,

                                                 I'm thinkin' bout you lovin' me.

                                                 Kissin me, touchin' me.

                                                 Lookin' so lovely, 

                                                 I'm thinkin bout you lovin' me.

                                                 Kissin me, touchin' me.

My immediate assumption was that she wanted to get close so we could have some fun sex... but judgin by her attitude next day I realized she was focusing in the second paragraph:

                                                 I promised you

                                                 I'd take you out.

                                                 Enjoy your night,

                                                 out on the town.

                                                 Light dinner and

                                                 some champagne.

                                                 You deserve the best

                                                 of the finer thangs.

                                                 Girl tonight you couldn't look

                                                 any better.

                                                 Amazingly irresistable.

                                                 I can see it in my mind,

                                                 baby you and I,

                                                 later on tonight

                                                 makin love.

Here, I realized she was thinking more in the romantic aproach to a relationship, which implies a nice romatic dinner. But as you can see, the same song sent two different messages and who is to tell which one is the one the person who receives the song is thinking about.

Another example I came across Was when I was flirting with a girl. As we talked she sent me a text with this "If I told you that a flower bloomed in a dark room, would you trust it?" (from Poetic Justice of Kendrick Lamar) and right after a link to YouTube to Johnny Rain's LLWH.
 So, I'm listetening to the song and I hear this part:

                                                You have my love
                                                You have my heart
                                                You've got everything that tore us apart
                                                This is why I neveAnnotater learn to trust correctly
                                                We both know you could never just forget me
                                                I'd love you if you ever really let me
                                                Would you let me?

So I think 'well, we are into each other, things are looking great' But as I continue listening this part hits me:

                                                You're standing there
                                                With an empty look of envy
                                                You ain't come prepared
                                                You don't have to see what's in me
                                                Girl, I'm one to care
                                                And I'm ridin' where the simps be
                                                I swear they tryna get me
                                                Woah
                                                Fuck you think this is?
                                                Look what you did to me
                                                You fucking piece of shit
                                                I'm everything that you pretend to be
                                                I thought that we were meant to be
                                                Now just
                                                             ... Fuck you

So here I got confused again... Does she love me or she thinks I am a piece of shit?

As you can see in those two examples, a song can send different message than the one you were thinking about. You might get lucky and the other person would get the one you intended, but chances are is not going to work like that. For some reason when is about love relationships we get to sensitive, either about falling to hard or been too skeptical. As in any case, when we send a song or when we receive it we only hear what we want to hear and we don't think of how the other person is going to perceive it.

I am not saying that you should stop using songs to express your feelings, but if you are going to do it, better analyze the whole song and think how the other person is going to read it before you send it... that way you know that the right message was delivered.

In my home...

In My Home...

       

    There are places where the wind does not blow,

    and  light is glittered by dust.       

    A silent place with a few whispers,         

    falling down, from my ears to my heart.

    And now, you are in there,

    walking slowly by its rooms,

    Looking at its walls,

    touching with your hands.

   There is nothing to fear about,

                      nothing for you to hear,

                            to see...

                                 But me.

It is love... I know

It is love... I know.

And she said, 'why do you say you love me

if you don't even know me?

And I said... I don't know!

It just happened! I can't explain...

Maybe is your eyes,

Maybe is your ass...

                      but I just don't know.

I know, is not your conversation,

nor your fashion style...

But when you talk and when you walk.

when you look at me from afar,

when I look at you from behind

                              I know.... is love.

How did it happen, you ask.

I just don't know, I say.

You keep asking the same question

over and over.

And I keep avoiding the answer,

but I am giving it to you now...

This is the answer... I just don't know.

You say: How do you say you love me?

If you don't even know me?

And I say... I don't know.

                     I can't explain it,

                            It just happened.

                               Maybe is your eyes...

                                  or maybe is your ass.

But I know is not your conversation.

I know is not your fashion style.

I know. When you talk and when you walk.

When you look at me from afar,

when I look at you from behind...

                                  I know is love!

If we are going to rationalize love.

If we are going to measure it by words.

Then... what's the point?

It's not going to lead us anywhere.

And I'm not going to feel love no more.

For me, all what counts it's what I feel.

I don't want it in words.

I don't want to say: It's because your are smart...

                                                     Why lie?

I don't want to say, 'It's because you're funny!

                                      maybe you are not!

I don't want to say, Its because we are a match...

                                                we don't match.

What I want to say, is what I said.

All I want to say is that it may be your eyes...

but most likely is your ass!

All I want to say is what I feel,

all I want to say is what I see.

And I know what I see...

When I see you walking away from me!

I't not your conversation what I like.

It's not that you are successful...

...So, no. Is not your conversation.

                                  It might be your eyes...
But for sure is your ass...

Yesterday it was waving at me goodbye
If this is goodbye...
So this is goodbye!

Crossing the Line... When it doesn't matter anymore

When somebody crosses the line, anything that happens right after it doesn't matter. The opinion of others it doesn't matter, and trying to hide it is pointless... at that point everyone has to assume responsibility for what's been done and act accordingly.

So let's talk about love. One of the most common situations of crossing the line is when you, been in a relationship (married or just dating) falls in love for another person and actually admit to the other person that you love him (her). Maybe you didn't kiss or have sex, maybe it was just flirting... the fact here is that you crossed the line when you admitted to yourself that you where in love with somebody else. At that point you can repeat for yourself as many times as you want that nothing happen and that you didn't cheat... fact is, something happen and in your heart you did cheat.
the good news here is that if your partner didn't find out, life can continue as always and you can pretend, even to yourself, that things are the same. So you crossed the line and whether you saty in your relationship of your new love, it doesn't matter anymore!

Another situation is about respect. All couples eventually have an argument about something. Money, work, jealousy etc. Some people rise their voice very easily, some other ones are more thoughtful but everyone says things that regret later. The real problem comes in the first time that you say the F word to your partner. Arguing and sating harsh words is common, but the first time you say 'Fuck you" breaks the line of respect the very rarely is gain back again. After that thing can just escalate and get worst, the frequency will increase and unhappiness will settle in in the relationship.

In the same line with the last topic is sex. (This apply mostly to men). Experimenting sexually is inherit to any love relationship, but as humans we come from many different backgrounds and not everything is for everybody. There are conservative values and liberal values and many time they meet in a love relationship without any advise. Then it comes loving and pushing the bar. Man or woman sometimes don't expect things that seem normal to their partners and when is time to perform they might tingh of the other the worst. If a liberal woman in a relationship with a conservative guy try her best he is going to think of her as a whore, he is going to start questioning her background, how many sexual partners she has had and become jealous.
A liberal guy will try to experiment and lead things to something more kinky every time and eventually fuck her in the ass... nothing wrong there, she is  going to freak out and refuse, or accept. she is going to question what he has done in the past with other woman but at the end of the day she'll ponder her love and his love and decide if she'll take it... no worries there, but the line has been crossed.

It is well known that man are more sexually driven than woman... Don get confused, woman are just as horny as man, but woman relate sex more with love than guys. Man can have sex anytime with any woman just like that. woman can have sex just the same but when in a relationship the mood has to be right.
Many times guys are drunk or high and they get horny. when the hit the bed all they want is to fuck... the mood is not right that time and they force their way and have sex with a partner that is very annoyed, maybe even upset... that it still ok... But when things are awry and he forces his way to sex pushing his weight (namely money, looks or brute force) then the line is crossed... she may stay for long time in that relationship, but her mind would be some where... probably thinking about how to find her way out, because she or he have crossed the line.

Then it comes violence. This is the worst of the breaking points. There is not much to say... maybe.  There are many people that like it rough, but they are the exception. In most cases when one partner forces it way on sex the other is going to get hurt and the memory won't fade away... when that happens the relationship would be dead no matter what, they have crossed the line.

And this is the one I really want to talk about

The age difference. In a normal society it is normal to accept a difference in age. You can be call a sugar daddy or a cougar... same thing. 

Normally people are willing to accept a fifty percent difference in age. and whenever you go above or below that difference then you know that you have crossed the line. From there it doesn't matter the difference... as they say, 'Same difference'. If you are twenty and you are dating someone that is forth two, you may as well date someone that is fifty. or if you are fifty and you are dating someone that is thirthy, you may as well date someone that is  eighteen. My point is that once you cross the fifty percent difference, nothing makes a difference. Here the only thing that you have to face is the fact that seldom you''l be call a daughter or son of your partner. As long as you are unconscious of this it wont matter, you'll be happy for as long as you love your older partner. I have met many people;e that are attracted to older people... that is their thing and that is what makes the happy.So, in this case, they have crossed the line... but in crossing it they have found happiness! So crossing the line doe not matter anymore.

The conumdrum of falling for someone who's married

It is difficult to fall for someone that is in a relationship, either married or just living together. Is not uncommon. many times when you meet a person in those circumstances and the attraction sparks, the relationship of the other person is already broken. She (or he) can denied many time that fact and tell themselves that is not truth, and many times when she thinks about it her instinct makes her turn back at her partner and tell him how much she loves him and start making huge displays of love like posting in Facebook...just to realize short after that she is actually in love with someone else. this in nothing else than a mechanism to defend herself against feelings of anxiety and unacceptable impulses to maintain her own self afloat. many times she will stay in her relationship and live with regrets for long long time, and many other times she will brake up and start over and be happy for as long as it last.

But the point here is not the outcome of this love affair... but how to manage it... or how to survive it, From her part this is how it goes: she sees this guy and feels a very strong attraction right away, try to start a conversation and like always, in that conversation hints at him of her interest. That night goes home and analyze them both and realize that her new finding is way better. the first two weeks thing get just better ans better the flame grows and pretty much they fall in love with each other. Is after that  when all the difficulties start. she starts facing her own demons, she starts questioning whether she still loves her partner, she wonders if the other person really has genuine feelings for her or is just playing. She has no way to know but trust his word and understandably that is a very hard position to be in.

From his stand point of view: He is in love with her but doesn't know ho to make her understand that, from the time of the first conversation he knew she opened a door to her heart but now is getting mix signals... she never have time for him. He wants to go out and do things, but she can't get out of her house and he sees her doing all the things he wants to do with her... with him, They make plans but she never shows up, they talk over texting but other than that the conversation keeps fading away and his anxiety is growing. Is she with me or not? is a constant question and the thought of her sleeping with him  every day makes his heart bleed enraged.

The solution!

The solution to this conundrum seems to rest on the shoulders of the person that is in a relationship. She needs to make up her mind and then send clear signals. They need to have clear conversations about where are they going and what are their expectation in a clear way and talk the truth without hesitation,,, if she feels that her love for this person is getting corresponded then she has to plan an exit of her current relationship... otherwise better stop and go back to her husband or boyfriend before she damages her heart so bad that it would  affect her capacity to love again in the future,

Maybe she needs to now that she is the firt person to be in a situation like this one. THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A PERSON THAT THEY DON'T LOVE and very few of them eventually find the right person like she has... most of them stay in that relationship and live miserable lives for years and when finally gets out of that relationship the person she felt in love with is gone. Some other ones find a great person to love but they don't have the courage to get out of their current one and they too live a miserable life or years,,, a few ones find true love and brake up their current relationship to  live a new adventure and be happy for long time...

If you are in one of this situations... ITS UP TO YOU TO STEER YOUR FUTURE, íf you found the right person don't waste your chances and take your chances for happiness!... before is to late and he's gone!... maybe you need to understand that life is like a game of basketball... if you drop the ball, another player is right there to pick it up and score!

I Love You!... Does it mean anything?

I'll start by saying NO! now let me elaborate.

Much had been said about the different kinds of love : Storge, Fileo, Eros and the ultimate AGAPE. So when someone tells you "Ï Love You" most likely it would be talking about one of them. The question is, which one would the person be meaning? Most likely none.


The word love has become of such simple use that any meaning it used to have lays now on its definition. so the meaning of love belongs to a dictionary and not to real life anymore. I woman tells me "I Love You"and to me doesn't have more meaning that when the bartender asks me if I want another drink and I say "I would love it" You see where I'm going? we say I love you when dropping the kids at the school bus, and we say I love your shoes or I love your hair.And we never question if that mean anything because we know it doesn't,

when a man and a woman start getting acquainted or flirting or going out, there is always the stigma of when to say "I love you" for the first time because it is tabu. You don't want the other person to think that you have fallen in love and  in doing so you miss the opportunity to establish a connection. If someone tells you I love you, it doesn't mean he or she is in love, it just means the it wants to see you again. it means that wants you to know that you both are flirting and that it's been a lot of fun. it means that this time he or she one something more that to fuck each other but that maybe you can go to a movie too or walk by the zoo. it means that maybe you can stop seen each other at the bar and start doing fun things together... it means all that. Doesn't mean the he or she cannot live without you or the she or he wants to marry you.

As you can see, the words "I Love You"mean very little. So if a woman tells me I love you to me is not different than if she says "Hi"or "Goodnight", I don't take it personal and i recognize that she is just opening the door for me so we can have fun together.

To me, the secret of knowing is somebody is telling me "I Love You"is LISTENING WHEN SHE IS NOT TALKING, This is an art that take time and experience to develop. It takes to read all the signs, the body language to fell the sentiment of the situation, So let's say a girl sends me a link of her favorite son. The fact of sending the song or the lirics of the song don't mean anything, maybe I really didn't liked the song, but the fact that she thought of sharing something personal with me, the time she spent looking for that song tells me that she is felling love for me.
I wrote a poem for a girl and she text me "OMG! You almost make me fall in love with you" the part that hold any meaning was "omg!" the rest was meaningless.Love can't be said it can only be expressed and the other person has to be able to feel it without any words in beetwen. So if you want the other person to know that you lover her or him, do things that express you love, don't sayit. In the same token, if you want if the other person loves you, don ask because you my get an answer that you might not like, inted read all the signs, all the things that she or he won't say but is expressing to you trough the thing she does.

 When I say that to find out if the other person is feeling love "listening when she or he is not talking" I think of the things the fox told the little prince... but specially this one:

"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.

Remember this words and you will learn how to hear love and to say it without any words... now go and say "I Love You"as many times as you please  without any wories.

Alexandria

I

Alexandria

When  looking at you

On foggy mornings or gloomy nights

At the distance from the sea

Your two mosque towers...

Call out to me.

When you come like the wind

Blowing gentle the sails of my ship,

When you talk and when you walk,

I am a sailor who calls you home.

When your aroma and your voices

a multitude of multitudes singing

Atop a minaret praying salat

Wrapped in the blanket of our own sharia

         ...I wish I could walk your streets

                                                     ...Alexandria.

                                                      II

                                                                                      September 26, 2013                                                 It is love... I know.

And she said, 'why do you say you love me

if you don't even know me?

And I said... I don't know!

It just happened! I can't explain...

Maybe is your eyes,

Maybe is your ass...

                      but I just don't know.

I know, is not your conversation,

nor your fashion style...

But when you talk and when you walk.

when you look at me from afar,

when I look at you from behind

                              I know.... is love.

How did it happen, you ask.

I just don't know, I say.

You keep asking the same question

over and over.

And I keep avoiding the answer,

but I am giving it to you now...

This is the answer... I just don't know.

You say: How do you say you love me?

If you don't even know me?

And I say... I don't know.

                     I can't explain it,

                            It just happened.

                               Maybe is your eyes...

                                  or maybe is your ass.

But I know is not your conversation.

I know is not your fashion style.

I know. When you talk and when you walk.

When you look at me from afar,

when I look at you from behind...

                                  I know is love!

If we are going to rationalize love.

If we are going to measure it by words.

Then... what's the point?

It's not going to lead us anywhere.

And I'm not going to feel love no more.

For me, all what counts it's what I feel.

I don't want it in words.

I don't want to say: It's because your are smart...

                                                     Why lie?

I don't want to say, 'It's because you're funny!

                                      maybe you are not!

I don't want to say, Its because we are a match...

                                                we don't match.

What I want to say, is what I said.

All I want to say is that it may be your eyes...

but most likely is your ass!

All I want to say is what I feel,

all I want to say is what I see.

And I know what I see...

When I see you walking away from me!

I't not your conversation what I like.

It's not that you are successful...

...So, no. Is not your conversation.

                                  It might be your eyes...
But for sure is your ass...

Yesterday it was waving at me goodbye
If this is goodbye...
So this is goodbye!

Alexandria

  

                                           Alexandria

  When  looking at you
                        On foggy mornings or gloomy nights
                             At the distance from the sea
                                Your two mosque towers...
                                    Call out to me.

               When you come like the wind
                     Blowing gentle the sails of my ship,
                         When you talk and when you walk,
                             I am a sailor who calls you home.

               When your aroma and your voices
               a multitude of multitudes singing
               Atop a minaret praying salat
               Wrapped in the blanket of our own sharia

                                         ...I wish I could walk your streets
                                                                                    ... Alexandria.